I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
