well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
