Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
