I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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