I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
