She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
