Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
