I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
