I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
