Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
