Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
