we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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