my vag is so smooth its legendary
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
