six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
