You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
