made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
