Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
