While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
