i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This baby is an asshole
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
