Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
