WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
