Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
