so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
