the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
