You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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