suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everyone says I win the strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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