hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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