i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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