I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
