Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think my moral compass just broke
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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