What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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