You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
