my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
