You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
