He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
