2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
