I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
