i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
