This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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