Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
