Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
