I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
