I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
