Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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