we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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