im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
