So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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