yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
