my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
