Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
