32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We have started to decorate penises.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
