What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
