I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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